Leadership Decency – One Step in Leadership Development by Kevin Eikenberry

Kevin Eikenberry is the author of Remarkable Leadership and is the chief potential officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that provides a wide range of services including organizational consulting, training delivery and design, speaking, facilitation, and performance coaching services.

Read the newspaper, watch the television or walk down the hallways of your offices and you may notice a surprising (and alarming) lack of decency.  Before I continue, let me say that I neither a prude nor a cynic, but the increasing lack of courtesy and decency are a problem for us as individuals and as leaders.

Maybe I am over-reacting a bit to the deeply biting and highly judgmental comments being made by people on both sides of the U.S. Presidential election, but I don’t think so.  The increasingly judgmental and nasty rhetoric by those in the news and on the sidelines raises a significant issue for us in our organizations – How can we cultivate relationships, build teams and create cooperation when these factors are at play?

It’s Not About Conflict.

These observations aren’t meant to imply that we should avoid or support conflict deflecting behaviors.  To the contrary, healthy conflict and difference of opinion are needed for us to reach the best decisions, and foster creativity in any group. We all learned it in elementary school – you can disagree and not be mean.

As leaders we want to foster and support disagreement on issues in order to find the best solutions.  We want to promote people’s passions and opinions, so that they can be heard and be engaged.

But we can  . . .

-disagree without being disagreeable

-have opinions without being opinionated

-be passionate without being pushy

And the balance that is found in all of these is decency.  If we want to build teams and relationships and have a healthy working environment, we must, as leaders and individuals, strive for decency.

It’s About Culture . . . and Results.
 
These behavioral habits are truly components of our culture.  Whether we regularly verbally attack our competitors or each other, left unchecked or unexamined, these behaviors become the norm and become accepted.  And, like any other element of a culture, it will have an impact on organizational results.

Choose wisely the culture you want to create, and recognize as a leader you play a role everyday in accepting or challenging the prevailing culture.  If you want to guard against the decline in decency, or know you need to turn the tide, consider the following actions:

-Be a model.  If you want more decent and courteous conversations, be more courteous.

-Expect it of others.  Let people know your concerns.  Be specific as to your concerns and make sure you talk about why you are concerned.

-Ask for and give feedback.  Tell people that you will be giving them feedback – both praise for avoiding the negative conversation, and correction when you notice it.  Encourage them to give you feedback as well.

-Be consistent.  If this is something that matters to you and the organization, don’t make it your “cause of the week,” but be vigilant and consistent in both your behavior and your expectations of others.

Experience shows that awareness and consistent modeling will go a long way to adjusting these types of behaviours, especially if they aren’t deeply engrained when you begin.

I hope you aren’t noticing these problems on your teams, but if you are, I encourage you to consider the steps above – they will help you personally and professionally to change your behaviors and be a leader in the same changes for others.

As a final note, I referenced the U.S. Presidential election at the start of this post.  If you are interested in gaining a wide variety of leadership lessons from U.S. Presidential politics, go to http://RemarkablePresidents.com to download a Special Report entitled, Remarkable Leadership and American Presidents.